I'm really upset. We had dinner at my aunt and uncle's house. He's very beligerent, the type that will do anything to win an argument. We don't see them very often because of that. I refused the potatoes, the bread, the dessert. He asked if I was on another diet. He said it in a really snarky tone of voice.
I tried to steer the conversation in another direction and just said I have to stay away from high carb foods but he just went on and on. He wouldn't shut up!
He said I'll never be thin because my dad was heavy and mom and my sister are heavy, too, and it's all in the genes. Is it? Is he right? Am I doomed to be fat because of genetics? He's my mom's brother and he's thin. Their parents were thin.
I've let him get the best of me before. One time we went to a restaurant with them. They knew I was on a diet but on the way home they stopped at a dairy barn for ice cream. Everyone stood outside eating their ice cream and I had nothing.......when we got home I ate and I wasn't even hungry. I'm not gonna let him do that again. I found a picture of him, pasted his words on it ...... you'll never be thin, it's all in the genes....and stuck it on a mirror. That's going to be my #1 incentive. I don't say this about many people but I hate him.
Leigh

Personally, I believe that's a load of BS. Being fat is not in one's genes. That's something that fat people tell themselves to feel better, myself included. You are doing great, so keep on chugging along and when you hit goal you can tell him to eat his words.

Hi Leigh, your uncle sounds like a jerk. Unfortunately you cannot choose your family members. You could prove him wrong, it may just be the motivation you need.

Some people only feel good about themselves if they're trying to make others feel bad. It's a control issue--showing him how wrong he is is the best revenge. Who knows, it may do him some good to have to eat his words.

It's one of those things about some people. They have to spread misery. You could have replied, "Yes, I am on another diet. Would you rather see me have diabetes? Would you rather see me die long before my time? Perhaps you wnat me to not realize my potential. Maybe it's that you want me to be unhappy. Would you like me to be fat for any particular reason?"

Someone other than me would have to answer the genetic question. I'm guessing that your uncle is as qualified (read: unqualified) as I am to answer that. Which should tell you something regarding his opinion and its value.

The "never be thin" part is, of course, ignorant. You do have control over that. Isn't control a fantastic thing?



You know, I think it's possible he wasn't meaning to hurt you by stopping for ice cream. Without knowing the situation, it's impossible for me to say; after all, people do that, and if you're LCing, you can't participate. However, you know the man and what he's up to.

Take your motivation where you can get it. But I would recommend doing it for yourself.

The best answer to people like your uncle is to keep eating this way and lose a lot of weight. I have noticed that the more I lose, the fewer unsolicited lectures I get about low carbing not working and being unhealthy! In my experience, you can't win arguments with people like this -- all you do is get yourself upset -- so it is better to refuse to even get involved. I just refuse to reply, give them an icy stare, and either let silence hang in the air or change the subject. It generally works. If they are trying to make me feel uncomfortable, I have no problem with doing the same thing to them.

I think that the tendency to gain weight, and the tendency to have blood sugar problems that lead to weight gain, are probably genetic. However, if we can figure out what are genetic triggers are (for me, clearly carbohydrates) we can get past them. Your parents may have been in the situation I was in for decades -- not understanding what made them fat. The same diet may well not have made your uncle fat if his genetic make-up is different. We all know thin people who eat carbs and junk food all day. They probably just got dealt a different genetic hand than we did.

I can understand you disagreeing, and I respect that. That said, it's not as if we can outright trust the ADA or AHA, since they've been wrong so often in the past.

I believe that there may be genetic tendencies towards metabolism, but to say that some human beings are genetically inclined to be obese is somewhat out there, IMO.

Of course, I am not a scientist, so this is all my opinion.

Crysania I can identify with what you say. I was a lot like that, depression caused me to have totally unregulated behavior (I cared about NOTHING, not even if I lived or died)... some days I would only eat a few things, but then others I would eat everything in sight. Totally bi-polar behavior like that. Yes, ramen noodles were one of my favorites too .

I'm sorry that your uncle is so ignorant and shortsighted. Even if weight is a genetic problem, would he make such stupid comments to other people with genetically caused problems other than weight? Just look at that picture and know that even if genetics does play a role, you are doing something to improve your health by staying on the WOE. Success will be the best revenge. Good luck to you.

My dad was a good 500 pounds. He died when he was only 45. I have always had a tendancy to be heavy but was always resolved to never get to 500 pounds. When I turned 45 I was a bit scared I didn't know if I would live through that year. But I did! I'm alive and I'm not sickly! Now I am losing weight. I had lost weight before and got down to 120 pounds so that does prove that I can do it no matter what my genes say. I would say that you can too!

Thanks guys!

I can't tell you how much I appreciate all of you. I feel better today. At least this time I didn't go home and eat again.
He's an arrogant jerk and always has been. He's adept at finding people's weak spots and taking advantage of them. And here's the part I don't understand....no one ever does anything to stop him. This will be our last visit with them for a verrrrrry long time.
I agree with what you've said. I'm going to continue to lose weight and make him eat his words. Of course, then he'll probably be watching and waiting for me to gain it back.
I think Ivana Trump said Looking good is the best revenge.
Leigh

I don't know who my genetic grandparents were (both parents were adopted my mother has no clue who her genatic family is and all i know about my dad's side is his dad was an acholholic and his mother had mental issues and that was genetic cause him and his brother both have them) but my parents adopted parents were really thin, my mom was thin until she got away from her mom who kept her on diet pills from the time she was 7 or 8 and she gained weight really fast her metablisom is so screwed up and she has so many health problems that can be traced back to that. my dad has always just been a big guy.
anyways I think more then anything it was the diet (or lack there of) that I ate as a child not genetics that made me gain weight.. that and just not caring about myself - alot of depression.. I was active but I hardly ate, when I did I ate to much and mainly cheap foods like ramen noodles and such

I would definitely stay away from this man if I were you. I never could understand why people put up with behavior from family members that they would NEVER accept from others. Having a bit of DNA in common does not give people the right to abuse you and that is what he is doing.

Keep doing what you are doing - for YOU - not to spite him. Negative emotions really aren't good for us in the long run, even though we may find them temporarily motivating.

Yeah - ultimately it's best to stay away from people who suck. Even if they're family. They add nothing positive to your life, and in the end, you just don't need them. Don't tell him "I told you so" when you make your goal. Don't ever let him know he was a factor.