Wow, you are being so NICE to people that would make me crazy! Well okay I know they are your in-laws and the kids' grandparents. However I think your new guidelines sound fine - no extended stays with the grandparents, just an hour or two, either you or DH being there with them. I HOPE you can make something work!

My sweet five-year-old grandson is so sweet and considerate of me. I was there yesterday and he said "Can Nainai stay for dinner? I want Nainai to eat with us. Are we having anything with bread? You know Nainai can't eat bread. Can we please have a dinner with no bread." Made me smile.