Koko...

Sex and weight...hmmm...now THIS is a whole big thread unto itself... I can't even begin to tell you what a huge - and unspoken - problem this is for MOST (if not all) heavy women. Lots of books, articles, groups and therapies about this!

Yes, it depends on the guy -- believe it or not, some LOVE big women...sometimes the problem is that they're not big enough!

But for men without that particular preference...the standards of beauty are pretty much the same...and excess weight can really make a difference in the intimacy department.

However, I think the issue is MOSTLY in the minds of us women who are already aware that we are outside the "range" of the "standard" sexiness... we are feeling inferior and "judged" whether it's happening or not.

I think that at any size, attitude, receptiveness, assertiveness, etc. are all better indicators of whether or not we're sexy... the body is only one aspect of that.

I don't really have a problem with the ex-DB, he was tuned into me from day one and even at 30 pounds more... But the ex before him had a MAJOR issue with me being so heavy...and made no bones about it . His attitude of judgement and rejection made me hate him...long after I shed the 90 pounds of misery I was carrying around anyway....(because of him )

And by the way... 20 pounds is not a life-changing amount, dear Koko...it's just a little more to hold on to... and may very well be sexy to HIM! Personally, I really like a bit of weight on both men and women...I think it's more real, more comfortable.

I would encourage you to REALLY relax your self-criticism about this and believe your husband...if he says you're crazy...then he must be okay with it. You're working on the issue, so it's on the way to being better anyhow...

Damn the media and their air-brushed photo shoots... The damage they do to young girls and women is criminal.

REAL women come in all sizes and shapes, and REAL men appreciate that...