I posted about this in my journal, but now I'm reaching out to the community for a little perspective and potentially support.

In the past few months I have had several people say things that indicate that either they see me inaccurately or I am fooling myself. Some examples:

While shopping online a female relative asked me; "You're a size 20, right? I mean, on top. I know you're bigger on the bottom." (I was wearing size 14 jeans that day)

Another female relative offered me two pairs of pants, one in a 14-16 and one in size 18. I thought they were going to be too big (they were) but when I said that she laughed and said that truly, she was afraid they were too small.

Same female relative very recently commented that the reason I can't find a swimsuit I like is because I'm still too big. (I really do love and admire this woman in pretty much every way except for this sort of thing)

Yet ANOTHER female relative (this one pretty close to my size/weight/height) asked what size I wear. At the time I was wearing a 12. She gasped in true shock and said; "Those are 12's! I would have sworn they were AT LEAST a 14!"

Last night my Mother-In-Law (great woman, I adore her) and I were discussing how ridiculous it is that the medical profession tries to blame every malady you have, from stubbed toes to depression, on your weight when you are heavy. She told me that since she had lost some weight (about 40 pounds) that she hasn't had that problem. When I complained that I still get that sort of thing all the time she looked me up and down and said "Well, that's because you're..." and then cut herself off really quickly and left the room.

This is killing my image of myself. I cannot look into the mirror and see a slender woman emerging while I am constantly reminded by people that they still see me as "big" (or morbidly obese, in the one case, since I was that while size 20 and up).

My husband doesn't know what to say. He was there when all of these things happened, and while he might roll his eyes about it, he does nothing to combat it. When I try to talk about it with him he just keeps quiet, and his silence hurts too.

A male relative that I am very close to thinks this is all funny. However, he himself pegged me two sizes too big and then justified it by saying that my hips are much bigger than my waist. What? I thought that was a good thing...

I don't really know what kind of help I am looking for here. I am not fishing for compliments. I am genuinely confused and hurt. It is difficult enough for a person losing a substantial amount of weight to view themselves clearly as they change, but it is so much harder when you are treated to barbed comments as opposed to compliments. It has gotten to the point where I have no idea what I look like or what image I am presenting of myself. I may feel great one day in my size medium shirt and size 10-12 pants, but the moment someone seems to think that I am still too "big" to find clothes in regular retail stores my self-confidence crumbles. And it seems like everyone around me has that impression.

Sorry for the long post. Thank you for reading.