Thu, Sep-20-12, 11:27
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Senior Member
Posts: 3,184
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Plan: atkins
Stats: 210/126/127
BF:
Progress: 101%
Location: South of England
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by bmore4now
Honestly I don't crave. I think it's all self-sabotage behavior. My psychological mind. I've never been comfortable being smaller. I lost weight one time before and had tears in my eyes when I went shopping. I lingered in the plus size section for two hours. My Aunt was with me. She kept saying "Kim, you don't wear that size anymore". I was like "I don't like my clothes tight". I went from a size 22 to a 14 and I didn't ever get comfortable with it.
I cried when I went to the smaller section. It was too overwhelming. Too many choices. I finally left the store without buying anything. I never gained all the weight back, but it took me months to be comfortable buying a size 16. With me being an extrovert, I used humor to hide behind my weight and my low self-esteem. That attracted people to me, so I thought I was ok being FAT and was even more comfortable with it. I didn't want the extra attention.
Now that I see I'm making progress again I'm getting nervous. "One small bite won't hurt" is keeping me psychologically comfortable with what I'm use to.
Sorry if my thoughts are all over the place.
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I was like that, in fact I couldnt ever see myself thin and still saw a fat body looking at me in the mirror - even tho I knew I wasnt. I also had weird issues.... and this is going to sound incredible vain, but I found as I lost weight I was getting alot of male attention, something which hadnt happened when I was overweight. In those days I could flirt and joke without being taken seriously - I was just "Jolly fat Jo"!! As I lost weight it changed and I didnt feel comfortable flirting - indeed, neither did my husband!! But I didnt know how to change, so I became a bit of an introvert, which wasnt easy for me or good! I also didnt know how to dress, I was so used to "tents" and choosing clothes that hid the bulges. Losing weight meant I could buy a different style and I wasnt sure what that should be......I've sorted it now, with age and time, but I still have a few times when I have to tone down both the clothes and the personality - Life was easier when I was fat, I wasnt a threat or a catch to anyone!
Jo xxx |