Honestly I don't crave. I think it's all self-sabotage behavior. My psychological mind. I've never been comfortable being smaller. I lost weight one time before and had tears in my eyes when I went shopping. I lingered in the plus size section for two hours. My Aunt was with me. She kept saying "Kim, you don't wear that size anymore". I was like "I don't like my clothes tight". I went from a size 22 to a 14 and I didn't ever get comfortable with it.

I cried when I went to the smaller section. It was too overwhelming. Too many choices. I finally left the store without buying anything. I never gained all the weight back, but it took me months to be comfortable buying a size 16. With me being an extrovert, I used humor to hide behind my weight and my low self-esteem. That attracted people to me, so I thought I was ok being FAT and was even more comfortable with it. I didn't want the extra attention.

Now that I see I'm making progress again I'm getting nervous. "One small bite won't hurt" is keeping me psychologically comfortable with what I'm use to.

Sorry if my thoughts are all over the place.