I caught a slight cold from my daughter. I stayed home from work today. I’ve missed a lot of work lately so I feel guilty about being home.

Anyway, my weight loss is not going as well as I would like. Bad decisions on my part have me stalled. Of course when weight loss is rapid…I’m gunho. But when things are not moving fast (again because of my OWN bad choices), I tend to do the whole “I’ll start again tomorrow”. I passed our full length mirror earlier...the first thought was something like..Wow, you're a pig!! the second was I wonder what I can eat in the kitchen? How sick is that? I loath me because I'm fat and to make myself feel better, I want to make it worse????

Long story short, I have had 2 cups of coffee and a piece of cheese today. I am hiding out in my bedroom because I want to destroy myself with horrible food.

I’m going into the kitchen now and I’m making myself a tuna salad. Period! And I’m going to drink some water (which I have also failed to do).

I just don’t understand why habits are so hard to change. What is my payoff!?!? Today, I am NOT going to cave. Today I’m going to enjoy good food and the feeling that I was good to myself. It may not be easy, but the longer I stay strong, the easier it will become. The more self respect I will have and the more loving I can be to me! The only person that can save me, is me. God help us all! LOL!