thank guys and it is a bit exhausting. people treat you so defferrnt and the anger of im still the same person is therer but you don't say anything i think people don't even realize they are doing it. does not make it any less to deal with you know. i had a person that known me for a while ask me why can't i take compliments i just looked at her and said what you mean i say thank you. she say yes of course you do but you just toss it away which she is right never really thought about it till now but i do i really truly can not take one it sounds like a lie to me but say something negative and i think about that one all day lol go fig. well at least i know what im going though is normal and these deeper rooted issues can't hide anymore. my weight was my coat and now that it gone i feel like i have no choice but to deal with everything and it hitting me dead on and on and on well you get the pic.