Dear Tonya

What can I say that will make you feel better and loved?

My answer is - all the replies you've received to your original posting. Take it from me these people really do care and are'nt just giving you advice 'because its something to do'.

I was in your situation 5 years ago, but like a fool I allowed this man back in my life and he did it 2 more times to me. By the time that I was eventually alone again - I felt like I'd gone through 20 rounds with mike tyson. I was mentally bruised in the biggest possible way.

I am now with someone else and although my relationship is not how I really want it - I keep trying. I think on reflection I should have taken some time out for me and healed first. Although my partner is not nasty - he also does not have time to give to me and we are lucky if we see each other for 24 hours in one week - I work days - he nights. Because of this the closeness that we had has all but gone and this saddens me greatly.

The trouble is - I seem to be the only one trying and it does'nt work this way. I know that sooner or later I am going to have to face up to this and make a decision.

What I am trying to say is - you have your home and independance - I just have the latter. Give yourself some time - get yourself a cat - they really are comforting creatures. They love to be stroked, dont take much looking after and you will never feel alone. Also get yourself on here when you can. I also joined a group recently called the flylady.net and I get around 10 emails a day. I know these emails get sent to others as well, but it just makes me feel like I'm not alone.

The fly lady helps you bring control into your life, via routines and boy did I need those. Due to this fabulous lady - I have sent heavens knows how many bin liners full of stuff I'll never use or wear, to the local charity shop. My home is now so much easier to clean and she has given me pride in myself - something that my partner had managed to take away from me. If nothing else just go have alook and you'll be surprised.

I hope all goes well for you and feel free to private message me, as I will always listen.

Take care and has the british say ' keep your chin up'

lots of hugs