Dear Low Carbers: Today I visited with a cousin whom I hardly know. He just retired and he moved into our area to be close to his daughter and grandchild.

We got talking about the family. His mother is "off the wall" and so is mine. As we talked about handling our unmanageable mothers thru childhood, adulthood, and now we're taking care of aging mothers, we found that we had common heartaches and disappointments.

When my cousin showed me pictures of his sister (whom I've only seen once) I was astonished. She looks just like me, but fatter. I know that, like me, she's "eating her frustrations" about her mother's behavior. Maybe other things too.

I emotionally reached out to my unknown cousin in the photograph. I wanted to hug her and let her cry on my shoulder and tell her that no matter what, she can get thru this.

I had to stand my ground to my mother and let her know that she has no right to say mean and cruel things to me. I felt better after that. It still hurts when she says smart remarks but she doesn't do it as often. Unfortunately, I have to protect myself and stay out of her line of fire. So I don't see her that much. It's a pity because she's widowed now and I sure would love to be closer to her. But she won't let me.

Her brother said that my female cousin is afraid of her mom, altho she's got grown kids of her own. It took me a long time to establish self-esteem. I kept getting kicked in the pants. But finally I came to the conclusion that I've done nothing wrong to deserve such bad treatment. My cousin doesn't know this yet, but she will.

I will talk to her about it in a kind and loving way, the same as I am talking to you. We are all God's children, deserving of dignity and respect. This has to come from ourselves first. I learned it the hard way.

Sincerely, Chiqui