Debbie, you are so right, attitude IS everything. I could kick myself in the butt for going on a pity party. What a self indulgant twit to think I have it so bad when there are lots of people worse off then I am. But that Montoya post by Kathleen, it just got too me. It expressed exactly what I was feeling and in a very poignant way. I didn't know there was a place where I could go and cry and people would actually understand my pain. That kind of support is worth its *weight* in gold!

I was the fat hideous person in my family. I was the only girl in a family of 5 children. All 4 of my brothers were tall, handsome and very popular with the girls. My mother was a high school homecoming queen who never stopped reigning. My dad was a WWII pilot/hero kind of guy. And then there was me, overweight as a kid, shy, introverted, insecure. I used to get ridiculed because I had an "inferiority complex". I didn't even know what that meant, but I knew it was bad. I knew I was bad, a disappointment to my family. My mother used to say "its a shame (you're fat) because you have a pretty face". All I ever wanted to do was hide, and here I am almost 60 years old and I'm still hiding!

All that happened a million years ago, but the effects remain with me to this day. Most of the time I'm ok, I do pretty well in the attitude department, but sometimes these emotions just come out of nowhere and literaly bite me in the ass.

After sharing with you guys and thinking (a LOT) about what you've said in these posts, I am ready to get on with it. No more wallowing. No more kicking myelf. No more beating myself to a pulp. If I don't lose an ounce by eating low carb I still want to eat healthy and get well physically. Its not just about the weight for me, its about getting strong and healthy even if I am overweight. You got it right, Debbie, when you said no one will do this for me. I have to fan the flames and keep up the momentum. We all have to do that or we'll sink right back into despair. I can't even tell you how much it helps to finally have a safe place where I can be honest about this stuff. You guys are an amazing bunch of people.