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Journal the pain? I don't know if there are enough journals to hold it all, or if I could ever write it all down. But I can try. I will come here every day, I have been doing that for the past 6 months. It was just recently that I had the courage to make myself known. I wanted to lie about my weight, but I decided if this is going to work I have to be honest, and this just might be the one place where I can do that.
I want all the things you listed as making this worth it. I can't run up the stairs, I plod up them. I can't even run across the room, I hobble. I hurt from the top of my head to the soles of my feet, and I'm so ashamed of how I look I don't go anywhere that I don't absolutely have to. I'm a hermit by nature, content to be alone, but to be totally isolated was never something I set out to do, it just happened.
I will set short term goals. I look at the big picture and it does overwhelm me, so I will focus on getting to 250 lbs instead of getting to 150. I can't believe I'm admitting this stuff to anyone, much less on an online forum. I haven't been to the doctor in years because I'm too ashamed to go. I made an appointment in February for an annual physical. I'm not sure I will keep that appointment, but at least I made it. That's on baby step in the right direction.
Yesterday I took it one step at a time and I had a really good day. Today is a new day and I will take this day one step at a time as well. One step, one day at a time. That's all I can do.
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This could have been me writing this a month or so ago! I dont know if what I have to say will help but let me give it a try.
I get the pain part....all of use who are in this club understand it in one way or another through our own life experiences...letting go of the pain isnt easy, you have to work through it an I dont have the answer for exactly how to do that one, for each of us its a different process but like finding LC you will find what works for you cause you have got to ditch the pain, you deserve to let it go and to find your own brand of happy!
Stand up and make yourself know...I too lurked and lurked because I was ashamed that I had done LC in the past and had gained it all back. But I have discovered that there isnt anything that is taboo on this board and nothing that can be said that is shameful or not understood by someone here..we've all "been there, done that" and are happy to help in any way we can. I suppose its a bit like being an alcoholic, if your not one, you dont understand.
My mistakes in the past have been trying to get skinny...lose 190 lbs etc. And I have failed miserably. This time around though I decided I was going to focus on one day, 1 lb, 1 meal etc. And wow, it works...I can do anything for 5 minutes, then 1 hour and one day, one week! It may seem silly but baby steps works!
I to had such horrible body pain I was living on OTC pain meds, Tylenol etc..I could walk around a store without having to sit down my back hurt so bad. Getting sugar and refined flour out of my body has made an amazing difference...I believe I was having an inflammation problem due to the sugars and it was effecting all my joints, I can now walk down my stairs without holding on to the wall and going one step at a time...stick with it,,,I promise you will some start to lose some of the pain.
I also totally get the doctor thing too as well as not going out in public..My husband travels alot and he wants my son and I to fly up to meet him sometimes for a long weekend etc and I make excuses not to go because I know I cant fit in an airplane seat. Well baby...I am done with that kind of life as well.....I am not a super social person but I am a worthwhile person, someone of merit and intelligence and I deserve to see the world if I so chose to.....
I know I rambled a bit but I wanted you to know that you are not alone, you are not isolated and that you can do this, you are a valuable, caring, superb human being who deserves to finally step away from pain, isolation, and to find happiness and health.
Please let us know how your doing and how we can take the journey with you,,,one baby step at a time.