Hey,

This isn't easy for me to do. I don't like posting things very much, but I'm trying to change that. I am hoping the support will help me along my journey. Anyways with that aside......I'm 18 years old, I'm 5'7 and 225 lbs. Yup, I never did think I could type that lol. Two years ago I was 140 lbs and I'm still trying to figure out how I got where I am. It took me less than a year to gain the weight. For the last year I've been dieting trying to get rid of it. Right now you're probably thinking....what did she eat to gain that much weight in such a short period of time. The truth be told...I've been on a nutritionists diet for the last 4 years. Nobody could figure out why I was gaining weight......I never changed my diet....and I kept my exercise routine always increasing intensity. Around 230 lbs....and a million blood tests..even an MRI....they decided to take me off of Depo-provera (birth control shot) and I stopped gaining weight. I had been gaining 3 lbs a day on some days. So I'm glad I stopped gaining weight, but now comes the hard part of losing it. Now I'm not using this all as an excuse it's just my own frustrations of how I got where I'm at. So for the last year I've been on an even stricter diet.....but I quit seeing my nutritionist...she wasn't helping...and I'm going to try Atkins.

Anyways, at the weight where I am my life has come to a halt. I've quit everything.....no work....no college....nothing. It sounds terrible and it really is. I can't figure out quite why I've quit life itself. I can't look in the mirror...and I don't like going out at all. I am so ashamed to look this way. What do I do all day? Read nutrition books....and workout......and keep a detailed journal of food....and exercise. You're probably thinking I'm insane, but I've gotten so bad I'm afraid if I don't lose this weight I will never have a life. There really aren't any other reasons I need to unearth....if you're thinking I need to get to the bottom of this. Trust me, I've spent thousands of hours wondering why I might have this stop sign. I've concluded this weight has killed my self-esteem, self-image, body-image, and any reason to have fun. I really don't look to have fun.....especially socializing. I want no part in it right now.

So here I am.....I'm determined more than ever. I don't know if this is unrealistic but I would like to be 150 lbs by August of 2003. I weight lift (always increasing weight) and I do plenty of cardio. I am hoping Atkins will work! Also....I am looking for a lifestyle change.....so when I speak of diet that is what I eat not really what I do. Induction starts tomorrow for me and after that when I am able to up the carbs a bit at a time I am hoping I can stick with it forever.

I am looking for a buddy.....you can e-mail me at meek03~hotmail.com


sorry if this post is kind of a downer....I hope to lift my moods soon


meek03