I was not a fat kid. I would go through periods where I weighed more and then periods where I would starve myself. I believed that the only way my parents would love me was to be bone thin. In fact, to some degree I still believe thats partially true today.

Both my parents were very obsessive about weight and thinness all the time and if they were not commenting on my weight or anything I might be eating they were talking about other fat people and warning me never to become fat.

I remember as a child going off to summer camp and not eating for 3 weeks. In 3 weeks all I had was juice, half a turkey sandwich every few days and a bowl of cereal with skim milk once. I dropped 15 pounds in 3 weeks going from about 95 pounds to 80. Everyone at the camp was concerned that I wasnt eating. I was tired all the time and slept all the time. My parents blew it off and told me it was a good thing and bought me gifts for losing that much weight.

I developed a horrible relationship with food. I was afraid to eat and when I would I would eat alone and hide it so no one ever saw me eating. I would go through these phases as a kid where I would binge eat. I would tell my mother I needed money for school supplies and buy $20 worth of junk food and eat it all within an hour or so. I would hide the wrappers or take them to school and crumple them inside of papers and bags so no one would ever see them and then I would go through feelings of guilt and starve myself as punishment.

I honestly believe that if my parents and those around me werent so intolerant of fat people and being fat I wouldnt have developed my binge eating and emotional eating issues which hugely contributed to my getting fat and are still major issues for me.

It pains me to see my 10 year old sister talk about dieting and my family teasing her telling her she has a little belly or how she wanted to buy a bikini to wear for summer camp and my mother commented about how big her belly is and how it will stick out and she should be embarrassed. It pains me to see her at 90 pounds all she thinks about is dieting and losing weight. She keeps asking me how to do Atkins and I tell her she doesnt need to, but at such a young age all she wants to do is be thinner. I hate that I know how she is feeling and how uncomfortable she is or how horrible my mother feels because all my mother wants to do is to lose weight and all my mother and her friends talk about is dieting. Its a vicious cycle and perhaps if people were kinder there wouldnt be that same kind of pressure to be thin that makes people sick or that makes people diet in ways that messes up their metabolism, or that makes people binge or give up and eat and feel hopeless.