I wouldn't consider it a heaven - I'd still be fat. And even if everyone were accepting and nice about it, being fat sucks for a lot of other reasons. I'd still have to look at myself, I'd still be less healthy, I'd still be run-down and tired from all the extra weight.

I don't even care what society thinks of me at this point all that much. I understand that certain things -- okay, neverly everything -- goes better for thin people, but that there isn't a hell of a lot to be done about it and I don't want to waste any time or energy on changing it. That goes to changing me.

Don't get me wrong. I really dislike the hatred and scorn that's heaped on fat people. God knows, I experience it firsthand. But I can't give it much attention. At some point, the energy it has is what we give it ourselves, and I just refuse. I refuse to beat myself up over it, and I refuse to let anyone else do the same.