I don't think I really realized it how i gained all that weight and I wish I could turn back in time and stop myself.. but thats not possible. I feel so left out. I feel like I can't do the things my friends can. I didn't even go to my prom because I didn't feel I fit in. To be quite honest, in my High School, I didn't know anyone in the graduation class who was nearly as fat as I am.

I realize how fat I am, and get disappointed when I have to go shopping with my friends. I can't even shop in the same stores as they do... sometimes embarasses me too that I have to drag everyone to a store because of me, so I usually don't even bother.

I moved to Canada when I was 10, so its been like almost 9 years here. People who visit from back home and see me after a long time.. the first impression i get from them is... "woh.. natasha.. what the heck happened to you? you used to be so pretty?" Just cuz I am fat does it mean I am not pretty anymore? These are the moments when I truly realize how fat I am.

Lastly, my dad's side of the family makes me feel like shit. One of my uncle sometimes even uses rude terms that truly hurt my feelings. My cousins are like a size 0 and 2 but thats their body type. Just cuz I am fat, my uncle thinks "I eat too much". It's a torture. Someone once even told me that "I wouldnt get married just cuz I was fat".. O please...

It moments like those that I feel anger.. and the main reason for me to lose weight is to show these people that I can do it. So I dont have to hear there crap anymore.

OK I dont even know what I am on about.. but I just had it in me and had to get it out.

Tash