I'm really new to this website and I ran across the discussion of this poor soul with an eating disorder - and one that is really struggling. It reminded me of the YEARS it took struggling with this disease (bulimia and anorexia). I started my recovery in 1982 when someone finally gave a name to my illness. I have struggled with it for a very long time, even now. It is so difficult to break out of the insanity and the nightmare that surrounds this illness, and it can't be done alone. It requires tons of therapy, support, heartache, and most likely the use of drugs such as antidepressants. Like alcohol, it is a terrible disease of denial and disgust. Please get help and stop what's happening. However, because most eating disorder type people are perfectionists, do NOT beat yourself up when you fail. It's that kind of stuff that drives one to a binge anyway. It also sounds like you've got the standard "distorted self body image" that comes with the territory. I still struggle with this, but I treat it like it's "stinking thinking." Run and put on a pair of old shorts to prove to yourself that what you're seeing in the mirror doesn't have anything to do with reality. It's a head game you've set up to avoid dealing with something else (chances are, or that's what I would do to myself - and still try to do when things get a certain way in my life).

I'm VERY sorry if I took up too much space. Unfortunately, I just happen to be a pro at eating disorders and recovery too.

I wish you TONS of luck with this - please get help!!!!

DebA