I know what you mean. I've been in denial for quite a while, but I know that my life would be so different if I dedicated more energy to losing the weight. It's a sort of sadness that hangs over you, even when you should be happy. I've been to gatherings and the thought in my mind is "Am I the fattest person here?" I can't imagine these days what it would be like to be able to see that I'm not. Most of all, is to be able to get rid of the back and knee pains that come with the extra weight. Congratulations on your succes.