So I had a diet coke yesterday.

One of the things I've been enjoying about this WOE is that it has allowed me to feel hunger and make calm, rational choices about how I should and want to satisfy that hunger. Then I eat, am sated, take a note of what I ate and move on with my life - feeling nourished.

A few hours after I drank that diet coke, I felt a completely mental or "mouth" hunger. That is, I didn't feel hunger pangs, but a need to eat and eat that had no relation to actually nourishing my body. Moreover, I had no desire to drink water. I didn't break my carbohydrate limits (or if I did - it wasn't by much), but in a short space of time I consumed an incredible amount of calories and fat. I ate big chunks of cheese, lots of cream, slices of ham, spoonfuls of mayo. It was awful and i continued to have the compulsion to gorge myself even after my stomach had started to hurt.

I considered purging - which is something I have done before and which I should really, really keep away from.

The only thing about my diet that was different yesterday was that I had a diet coke, which I believe caused a chemical or hormonal inbalance in my body that set off that destructive, depressing binge. Perhaps it was the caffeine, or the aspertame or the other chemicals, but it was something.

I'm not drinking it again.