I've never been overweight, just to use that as a qualifier right from the get-go

I agree there was some tact needed but in my opinion (and I realize I will probably get mega-flamed) for this, we are OVERLY conscious of the self-esteem of people who are morbidly obese

I'm not suggesting that we should be going up to anyone on the street who needs to lose 40 pounds and tell them, but when someone in your immediate circle of friends/relatives is MORBIDLY obese, you should feel able to discuss it with them as you would any other life-threatening problem (alcoholism, drug addiction, etc)

But most of the time we keep quiet, because in our society even saying "Have you ever considered joining a gym?" to an overweight person, EVEN IF THEY ARE A GOOD FRIEND/RELATIVE OF YOURS, is considered a crime punishable by death. We are expected to pretend that this person looks absolutely fabulous and is not doing anything to risk their health, because how unfortunate if it hurt their self esteem

I don't want to make anyone feel awful, but I do have a good friend who is morbidly obese, and I'd really like to help. Yet I say nothing because of these social norms. How is that helping her? From the stories I've read here, a lot of people who've succesfully lost weight did so after hearing a really negative comment about their weight. So isn't addressing the problem the right thing to do?

Apologize if I've offended anyone, thats not my intention and as I've stated, I have no way of knowing how being morbidly obese feels