I am not sure where to post this thread.

It occurred to me sometime this summer that I am all but oblivious to what I actually look like. Just now I weigh 247 but in my mind's eye, I am about forty pounds overweight. I am 5'6". In my mind's eye, I look like what I weighed when I weighed 180+-. Truth be told, when I was at my all time high of 330, back in those days, in my mind's eye, I looked like I was about forty pounds overweight.

Sure I have watched the clothing sizes rise. I can't tell you how many times I have caught myself in dressing rooms, telling myself that the sizes are getting smaller. It does not occur to me, in some unconscious moments anyway, that I am getting bigger when the 20W no longer fit: it was the clothing, not me.

My daughter, who is healthy today, has struggled with anorexia/bulimia for five years. She is also 5'6". When she weighed 85 pounds, she thought she looked like she weight 150+. She didn't just think it: she literally saw herself as fat.

I mention my daughter because we have all, I think, read about the distorted body image of the anorexic/bulimic sufferer. Have there been any studies done about the distorted body images of the morbidly obese?

I vaguely remember the doctor's check at which I weighed 330: it was years ago and I have no memory of losing any weight but eventually I fell back to 300, where I had been for many years. It had an air of unreality to me, of disassociation. That 330 pounds had nothing to do with me.