I have to urge you to get professional help: and ALLOW YOURSELF TO BE HELPED. Get some love, let people who love you show you they love you.

My daughter, who at this moment is at a healthy weight, has struggled with anorexia/bulimia for the last five years (she is now 20). I got her all the help I could and loved the heck out of her.

But just like I have to resolve to lose my significant excess weight, she has to find it within herself to be at a healthy weight. Nothing helped her until she was ready to be helped.

You don't need to lose weight and a part of you, the healthy part, knows it.

Love yourself. Love yourself. Love yourself.