Why do I feel like...

I'll never be a good enough mother, wife.
I'll never be thin enough.
I'll never be pretty.
I'll never be successful.

Even when I am these things, I don't feel like I deserve to feel happy about it. The pay-off is I don't have to work at any of these things. Sometimes I find life too hard. It's hard work to be a good mother & wife, thin, pretty and successful. I guess I'm just lazy and unmotivated.

I was not always like this though, I used to do the hard work, and then in one moment my life changed. A stillborn child due to a chromosome abnormality. I blame my self for the abnormality, her death, not being a good mother, and wife. Why take care of my body when I can't control what happens to it? I guess I gave up.

Thanks for listening I needed to get that out.