Hello you wonderful folks,

What a support system I have here. I am truly blessed I have been seriously thinking about the why it happened. First of all, I think I totally enjoy the way sweets and pasta and breads taste. I think I also equate food with joy, and happy times. Eventhough I have allowed myself to allow food to play a huge role in making me miserable. I don't think that I deliberately sabatoge my eating plan, but I certainly look the other way on a lot of my poor choices while I am in the middle of the storm. It is like I have iron will most of the time. Somedays I could care less about cake, or icecream, or any of the foods that have gotten me as high as 411lbs in my life. And everytime I have an anxiety attack I swear off all the things that I believe are killing me ever so slowly. Sometimes not so slowly. When I get around festive atmospheres I want to eat all the kinds of foods associated with that holiday. I know that I have read, and read, and reread Atkins book. It makes total sense to me. But I find that I still count calories cause if I didn't I would be afraid of eat all that it takes to make me feel satiated. I don't trust myself around food. One night I binged on 3 pork chops! I did notice that it was that TOM for me, and it seemed that the urge for sweets and specifically carbs was super strong on Thursday. Once I start on them I figure what the heck I might as well enjoy myself. After all, what is a few days off program. I don't believe that I want to stay fat. I don't believe that my weight is any longer serving a purpose for me. In fact, my weight is suffocating the life from me. I want more than anything to be healthy. I want to get on with my life. I haven't truly lived life for over 20+ years. I feel sorry that I made food so much more important than life itself. It is like satan takes over and I just say the heck with it. It isn't willpower that I lack, it is perserverance. I have tried to do this program several times, and each time I have done induction, I never get a wow weight loss. I wonder if I am resistant or something. I mean I do feel better and i lose some, but nothing I couldn't do on let's say WW. Then that thinking comes back and I think maybe I should do WW cause then I can eat all foods in moderation. But then I say to myself, well no, because if you could just eat things that you love in moderation you would already have done it...don't ya think? And back and forth I go with not knowing which program I am going to be on in the morning. Should I have 1 cup of oatmeal or eggs and bacon and sausage today? Oh, gosh 2 eggs and 2 sausage are almost 500 calories. You could eat 1 cup of oats with fruit for a lot less. I do this to myself every day. Second guess myself. Like tonight, I am fighting about having 1 cup of rice with dinner. For that rice, I could have more chicken instead. I know this, but I still struggle every meal to make the right decision for this wol. Ugh!! I am so fed up with my stinkin thinkin....

Hugs,
Linda