This question does not offend me...I think it is a good question. I think I am pretty self-aware...I am obese...that is a fact.

My weight problem started as a child...I was sexually abused, and think that that started it. My mother had me on diets since I was about 7 ...so yo-yo-ing has been a big part of my whole life...

I was never really overly fat until after I turned 30...I was chunky, but not near like I am now...but my depression, and anxiety didn't start until after I was 30 either...I believe it is all tied together...I have tried to stuff my feelings for many years now...I have been afraid to speak up or out when I did not like something, for fear that my opinion doesn't count. I still struggle with this daily...I am afraid people think I am stupid. I am always thinking that I don't have the answers, or because someone else has a different idea on what is right, then I must be wrong. I feel paronoid (sp) that people think I am a waste of space. I think I have let my mom down as she seems more interested in what her husbands family is doing than mine. My father has been absent almost all my life...he chose not to have a relationship with me. My step-father, who is now dead, was very mentally abusive...telling me almost daily what a loser I was...And never once in 20 years ever held me, or told me he loved me. My husband is constantly never satisfied with my small goals. He is always pushing for perfection..(maybe not..but that's how it feels sometimes)...these things all add up to me, not being good enough...food would help me feel better...even if it lasted only a few minutes...The minute I feel like crying...I want to run to sugar. I have a hard time finding things about myself that I like...And all the negative self talk ...well I could go on and on...(apparently I have)

I have been in counselling for a while now to help me deal with these issues...I have read book, watched programs on TV...I pray..and I come here often...these things all help me...I hope to overcome. I want to live happy...and I want to be healthy...

Sorry to have gone on and on...but these are some of the reasons that I have become so obese...