RIGHT, LET'S BE POSITIVE HERE! I JUST FINISHED *HALF* OF A 20-MINUTE CARDIO WORKOUT. AFTER YESTERDAY, TAKING HALF-AN-HOUR TO DO WHAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN HALF OF A 15-MINUTE OXYCISE WORKOUT, I WAS FEELING INCREDIBLY SELF-PITYING AND SELF DAMNING
HOW USEFUL IS ALL THAT NEGATIVITY?
TODAY I GOT UP, DRANK SOME WATER, LOOKED AT THIS FORUM AND DECIDED, RIGHT! CARDIO HERE I COME! ALL GEARED UP, I WENT THROUGH TO THE EXERCISE BIKE AND DID MY LEVEL 5, THEN LEVEL 6..HARDER, THEN LEVEL 7...PUSHING IT, THEN LEVEL 8...REALLY HARD, THEN LEVEL 9...AND MY LEGS PHYSICALLY STOPPED MOVING. THEY JUST WOULD NOT BUDGE. THEY WEREN'T SORE; THEY JUST LOCKED AND WOULD NOT GO *ANYWHERE*.
QUICK RETHINK, WHILE I CURSED MYSELF AND LOOSENED THE TENSION ON THE WHEEL UNTIL MY LEGS WERE ABLE TO MOVE AGAIN. BACK TO LEVEL 6, BREATHING *HARD*, AND REALISING THERE WAS NOY WAY IN HELL I WAS GOING TO MANAGE 20 MINUTES.
REVELATION
SO WHAT? I WENT THROUGH LEVELS 7, 8, 9 AGAIN, THEN BACK DOWN TO 5, AND STOPPED. I DID *HALF* THE CARDIO WORKOUT. WHEN I GOT OFF THE BIKE, IT WAS HONESTLY ALL I COULD DO TO KEEP MY LEGS FROM COLLAPSING UNDER ME TO WALK TO THE NEAREST CHAIR. HOWEVER, I DID *NOT* FAIL BECAUSE I ONLY MANAGED HALF THE CARDIO; I DID WELL FOR TRYING IT AND DOING THAT MUCH
I NEED TO FIND THE BALANCE BETWEEN GIVING INTO MY M.S., AND GENUINELY UNDERSTANDING THAT THERE IS LITERALLY ONLY SO MUCH I CAN DO. I HAVE TO BE PREPARED TO TAKE LONGER TO ACHIEVE MY GOALS THAN SOME FOLK, JUST AS I WILL GET THERE MORE QUICKLY THAN SOME. I ALSO NEED TO APPLY LESS TENSION TO THE WHEEL
I COMPARE MYSELF TO AN IDEAL THAT I CAN NEVER MANAGE, RATHER THAN PUSHING MYSELF JUST ENOUGH TO DO THE BEST I CAN.
IF IT IS MORE THAN I CAN MANAGE, IT IS *NOT* MY BEST. OH! NOW I GET IT! SO, THE NEXT TIME (TOMORROW?), I HOPE TO MANAGE 3/4 OF THE CARDIO, AND MAYBE THE NEXT TIME I CAN DO ALL OF IT. THIS IS *SO* SCARY FOR ME BECAUSE AM *REALLY* AFRAID OF FAILURE (ONE OF MY 3 GOAL CRUSHERS!) BUT I ONLY FAIL IF I DON'T TRY, RIGHT?
I ALSO NEED TO REALISE THAT *MY* LEVEL 9 IS ONLY THE BEST *I* CAN DO. I AM *NOT* BILL PHILLIPS!
THANKS FOR LETTNG ME RANT. I LOVE THIS WEBSITE
