Throughout the 80's, I was always on some diet scheme or another, including more than one clinic-style diet, with daily weigh-ins and little packets of vitamins (but no injections or pre-packaged food or special formulas).

The last time I paid money for a diet was The Weight Loss Clinic, in 1988. I remember $10 per lb. paid up-front. Already a chronic yo-yo dieter by then, I'd ballooned to 150 lbs (horrors!) The program started me out at 900 calories a day, and that was all very nice until I got within 5 lbs of goal, where I stalled. They kept dropping my calories lower and lower ... always with a "nutritious" diet .. but the 2 teaspoons of vegetable oil was the first thing to go. I think I spent about 2 weeks at 600 calories a day .. I lost half a pound. I was exercising like a fiend, but back then it was all aerobics for the ladies, dancercise and aquafit. Anyway .. I just remember being afraid to eat. I struggled with even the 600 calories, fearing that every mouthful was going to absorb instantly and directly into my fat cells. The fact that I'd paid a lot of money, plus the clinic staff encouraged me to ignore my hunger pains, and gave me little tips and tricks to outwit hunger .. like drinking a cup of warm-not-hot weak tea or fat-free bouillon to trick my stomach into feeling full. The lbs eventually came off, and I "graduated" finally, but still felt flabby and fat, because .. I was. I'm sure I'd lost a great deal of lean muscle with such a hair-brained diet I was a health professional, and trusted this program because it was designed and run by drs. and nurses .. and it used real food, not shakes or powdered formulas. I blamed myself for anything that went wrong.

I struggled with their Maintenance for 6 months. Also low calories, 1200 - 1400 a day. I was so depressed, I figured the rest of my life was basically going to be a restrictive diet of skinless chicken and fat-free salad dressings. I didn't crave carbs or bread, and no sweet tooth. But I did crave FAT and meat .. steaks, cheese and butter. I started bingeing ... followed by agonies of guilt and terminal flatulence for punishment. Then I'd "fast" (a.k.a. starve) for a couple of days to undo the damage.

Low-carbing has been very freeing for me. Although I pay attention to portions to make sure I get enough, I don't worry about "overeating" meat and fat unless it makes me feel physically uncomfortable. But some days it still is a major conscious effort for me to recognize that yes, I am hungry and yes, I must eat something. For so many years I trained myself to ignore that rumble.

Doreen

p.s. - Interesting irony is that my previous "panic" weight of 150 lbs, is my current goal