I have avoided posting on this thread do to the "too close to home" feeling it brought.

From the time I got out of high school to the time I hit 31, I allowed others to manipulate what I looked like. As I aged I still maintained 115 pounds at 5'7". I thought I looked too thin, however my over bearing, abusive and deceitful husband at the time kept calling me fat or over weight.

Ten years I bought into it. Ten years I struggled with eating disorders of one that wasn't pleasant. Bulimia. What I didn't throw up, I took laxatives to flush out. Surprised I didn't kill myself trying to maintain that perfect "trophy wife" figure. Turns out after all that struggling and damage I did to my body, the jerk was seeing someone on the side that was twice my size. So yeah this thread brought back some really heart felt moments of how we see ourselves and how others picture us.

Now my only goal is to repair some of the damage I have done by first starving myself and then going the other direction. To find a happy medium somewhere in there that my body forgives me for past wrongs and is satisfied with whatever weight *IT* feels it needs to be at. No more pushing from me.