A fear of success is fairly common actually. Lots of people go to hypnotherapy for it.

I blamed my weight for a lot of things. I can't do that any more. I hid behind my fat for many years. I got fat in early adolescence and stayed that way until the last few years. I'm 37 now. I blamed everything outside of myself for my being fat. One day I woke up and took responsibility.

There was a day when I realized I was killing myself. An epiphany of sorts. I knew it would be very hard work to lose the 100# I had to lose to save my life and joints. I took it one day at a time. It took years. I didn't start out tolose 100#, I started out with the goal of being healthy enough to go in for desperately needed knee surgery. My doc wouldn't operate because I was too fat. He was that blunt with me. In about 6 months of starvation I went from 235 to 165 then I had the surgery. The doc was impressed.

I look at how I am now and give myself credit for getting this far and then I sometimes beat myself up for not finishing what I've started out of fear.

Am I still scared of being attractive? I shouldn't be. Even at my fattest I had men in my life. I've always caught men's eyes. Men have always liked me - the wrong kind of men. Maybe that's it - if I'm thin (at goal) maybe I will atttract the right kind of man. OMG, maybe I just figured it out - being at goal, finding a great guy (as opposed to the one I'm with), fear of commitment?? fear of actually having to deal with the relationship I have which sucks?? There are days where I wish I didn't think so much.....

Take care, Julie