you guys were very very helpful...and then I talked with one of my wisest friends (a woman very active in the recovery community) and she too said, "you're nervous because you're imagining a future. stay in the moment!" And so I did, and...he was no great shakes...lol. Or not the guy for me, rather.

But wow! I learned so much this week, I'm grateful for the experience. I learned that I can find a good balance between trusting my instincts about "warning signs" while allowing a person some slack for "first date nervousness gaffes." (I had feared since I'd chosen some unhealthy relationships in the past, I was sure to continue the pattern...but now I'm not afraid of that!) I thought a lot the night of the date about what it was that didn't attract me about him...and really began articulating to myself what it is I AM looking for in a friend/lover. (For one thing, no "dates!" -- relationships only work for me if I meet someone in the process of just living my life and interact with him and see him interact with others normally for some time and let an attraction grow slowly, in context out of that simply living my life)

So the date wasn't wonderful but the experience was simply great! Epiphanic! Just what I needed from a kind universe.

Thanks for your help, people--it really was very helpful indeed.