Good morning everyone!! I just want you all to know that this is very hard for me to write so please bare with me...



As some of you may know I have lost alot of weight, 115lbs to be exact.... Well many people think that this is just great and that I should be happy ALL the time... I mean their comments are like "Why should you ever be sad? or mad? Look where you were, and look where you are at now?" Well I am just not happy these days.. I feel very unsettled in my life. I guess it is the "new" me but I don't know how to deal with the new me... I will NEVER go back to the old me believe me but I am just trying to adjust... which is very hard... I am not sure what all these feelings are that I am feeling... mind you I was never happy with the old me but just not sure about myself now... I have lost alot of weight, feel better health wise...but I still see myself as a fat person. When I look in the mirror I see all the loose skin, the ever bulging gut, the huge calves that I have (I know they are muscle but still does not help that they are huge)... Why can't I look in the mirror and say "Damn girl! You look awesome!! Strut your stuff!!!" My DH (dear husband) has always been supportive of me and he is trying to get me to see how "great" I look but I just can't see it... I am not for sure if I will ever see it... I don't know what I can tell him to do to make it "all better" because I don't know... I haven't been sleeping well lately-- about 3-4 hours a night... I try to go to bed late in the night so I can sleep later...doesn't work... I try to go to bed early to get a good nite's sleep... does work... last three days I have been up at 3 a.m. Maybe some of this "depression" is due to lack of sleep. I think I may call the doctor today and set up an appointment to talk to him. I believe there is a huge mental change a person goes through when their body goes through a huge change but can't really seem to find much on it... research wise I mean... I guess I will just keep plugging away... It doesn't help that I am up 3 lbs for NO reason!! Hopefully it will go away soon!!



Sorry for the ramble, whining, venting, etc... no need to respond but a prayer for me sure would be appreciated!!



Juls