Adkpam: you said what I tried to say. My friend really wasn't ready to date, for a lot of reasons, and then attached losing weight to it. It's easier to blame weight for stuff rather than deal with the intense things. Her being heavy hadn't kept her from dating in the past, didn't keep her from getting married. So I witnessed the beginnings of what is going to be a really hard thing for her to undo. And I am very sad about it.

The psychology thing is a tough one. But I still think that the important thing is to separate, or to not link in the first place, gaining weight from stuff that will take years and years and years to fix. It's like expecting perfection from yourself. If you cannot get thin, then you don't do anything at all. Atkins gave us a great tool for the weight thing, psych tools are just not as good yet.

I'm just saying, or trying to, that with weight issues it really isn't good to say "well, once I get to my desired weight, I will do X/ be happy, and not a moment before." Though it looks like some posters above are motivated by that method (power to them!), it's too hard for a lot of us! Even losing 5 pounds is a big deal - it was for me at least. I was very proud of every pound I shed, they had been weighing me down for years. But along the way down the scale, it would have been a waste of time and, I think counterproductive, for me to say "nope, I'm not thin enough yet to go out dancing" or whatever. Especially if there's a chance that I am just too shy to go out dancing. Where does that leave losing weight? In the dustbin, that's where.

Everyone who is/has been overweight has issues. I ate tons, and still keep fridges, freezers, cabinets and kitchen floor space stocked to the gills with food, because I went hungry as a child. Friends tease me about being a survivalist, ready for a 3 month seige. Food is security and a bunch of other stuff to me. I panic if I get hungry, really panic. I had to separate eating from any other hard goal, like making a tiny open space in my fridge to show how secure I am (I had a space for a little while, but filled it in again). But in the meantime, I am thinner, healthier, and happier because I made use of a good tool (cutting carbs) and good advice. And know I will make progress on that space!