Starz, I am in total agreement with Potatoefree. Please reconsider and access some help. Feelings of self harm, and suicidal thoughts even passive ones are serious and need to be worked out. As for suggestioins of herbal antidepressant medications please check with your Dr. First! You may have some physiological stuff as well going on. thyroid problems can cause depression as well. But you may or may not be in need of medication as this is situational/ relationship issues. But sometimes we need medication to get us over the hurdle, to realine the chemicals if you like so that you can work on issues.

We can be here to listen and support but I truly believe that it sounds like you need professional assistance. (I am a mental health therapist) I'm not sure what you have available in New Mexico but here in Canada we have community mental health programs that are part of our health system. If you have something like that there stop in and see them. At the very least let you Dr. know that you have or are having self harming thoughts. he will know what resources are available to you.