Ordinarily, I'd start my usual glowing endorsement of Dr Phil's book and the exercises in stopping the thoughts of worthlessness and failure you are having. Even though you say you KNOW it won't help, PLEASE try again. Thoughts of suicide and harming yourself are serious and need to be treated seriously. You are a beautiful woman and stronger than you think. Please try again to find a professional who knows how to help you.

You are in that "dark place" where it seems useless to try, but it's not.