Wow!! Great thread!

Hi, my name is Barb, and I'm a recovering doormat.

My whole LIFe, I've been the clown, the "fixer" the helper... the one people can always count on because I'll ALWAYS lend a hand, even at my own expense. Want a babysitter? (I did have a haircut appointment, but...) "Sure, bring him over!" I'd be happy to... <sigh>

I was, and still AM to a lesser extent, guilty of putting EVERYONE before me. I've gone to extremes like driving a friend 120 miles to get her husband, lending her grocery money, cigarette money, watching her kids...and getting crapped on and taken for granted in return.

There IS a payoff for any behavior. Mine was being a martyr. If I made myself indispensible and they turned on me (which they always did, since who can respect a doormat?) I got to be "poor Barb, after ALL she did for them, look how they treat her....."

Dr P is right. We DO teach people how to treat us, and I'm trying to "help" a few people learn to respect me now that I respect myself. It's scary sometimes, but oddly enough, THRILLING!