Hi Woo! I've always enjoyed your postings. I'm still pretty hefty but I remember once before in my life I went from fat to thin and I had some interesting experiences.

I really did have a lot more confidence in myself when I lost the weight, unlike a lot of people who don't really feel different, I did. I enjoyed it. Felt kind of powerful. Kind of sexy. My body wasn't perfect and I now realize that body perfection isn't for people who don't have lots of time and money to spend on personal trainers and surgery.

But I was also intimidated by how much more people talked to me, men flirted with me and so on. Made me realize, much to my regret, how much we base on the exterior of people and how little on what people are truely like.

I remember seeing myself in the store windows, my reflection. I was expecting to see a creature much bulkier. Sometimes I didn't even recognize myself. I would have to stop and think... wait, that slender creature is me? Oh yeah! I lost 69 pounds!

I know how you feel about not remembering being fat. I look at pictures of myself, when I was fatter than I am now, and thinking... I don't look that fat in the mirror, why do I look so horrible in the camera?

I've come to realize that my brain, bless you brain, edits the picture I see of myself in a mirror. I'm much thinner, much younger and much cuter thanks to my brain's clever editing. As I get older, I realize just how merciful this is. I see a face that looks a bit like Faye Dunnaway's, not what it looks like in pictures or when I catch an unprepared glimpse of myself from a distance.

Anyway, one of the best parts of getting old is that you really do start to accept yourself in a way you never did when you were younger. I like that.

BTW: I know the sure cure for low self esteem. Its doing things you are proud of. Like losing weight. Like learning a new skill. Like volunteering for things. If you're shy, its learning how to speak in front of audiences. Anything really that you can say, "wow, I did that?" But doing one thing once isn't enough, its got to be something you always do. Each time you climb the mountain you're reinforcing your good feelings about yourself. If you stop climbing, then you stop the reinforcement. You can chant affirmations all day long and they won't do it, but you can simply live a life you can be proud of and that will handle the insecurity nicely.