Congratulations to everyone who realizes that the weight is not just because we like french fries. No one likes french fries enough to find yourself at 304 pounds as I did. I have been self medicating for a long time. The fat insulated me from the world. No one could touch me. The funny thing about being so overweight is that you actually begin to be invisible to the outside world. I could be standing right in front of a person and their eyes would glass over and they would act as if they couldnt see me and that was fine with me.

A few years ago at 250 pounds I lost 50 pounds and started getting a lot of attention. I freaked out. I couldnt handle it and subsequently put on that 50 and more. The funny thing is that I recognized what I was doing but I was unable to stop. This time around I have a better handle on things I think. I actually enjoy attention now (within reason). I am getting used to the idea that others may find me attractive and that its okay. When I feel sad I can process it. Its okay for me to acknowledge my feelings and my right to have them.

I say YAY for feelings. No more numbness for me.