Valerie - I don't know if I can say anything to help but wanted to send hugs your way. I've had every single thought you expressed...I know it's hard but please believe there's nothing wrong with you. You express yourself so beautifully and it's obvious your a caring person.

I don't know why it seems to work out for some people and not for others. I was lucky enough to meet my husband when I was 35 (and fat, flawed, not self confident, doting aunt with 2 cats, etc.) and he was 40. So I know it can work out even if you can't believe in it anymore.