I'm very overweight. I'm over 200lbs and I'm only 5'1. Sometimes I think that I can lose weight but most of the time I don't.

I don't have any support from my family. It's not that they sabotage me but it's also not like I can ask for help either. My husband doesn't have a weight problem, so he believes that I can lose weight just by eating everything in moderation. (he doesn't believe in low carb).

Right now I'm eating a chocolate bar---why? I'm not sure. I guess I just feel stuck. I have an evil voice that talks to me and tells me that I will never be pretty or thin and that I will always be worthless.

I'm suppose to be going to the cayman islands in July and I wanted to at least be under 200lbs but right now I just don't see it as achieveable. I think my biggest problem is not having someone to talk to in my hometown. Someone to share in my ups and downs.

I'm so self conscious and self loathing that I don't allow anyone to get close to me because I believe that they will find out what a loser I am. I keep looking in the buddies section for someone from Cleveland, Ohio but there's no one. I don't even know if I'm capable of being a friend---I've really never had one. I guess that is what happens when you close yourself off from the world. I guess you can tell---I'm totally depressed. I'm struggling with what I'm about to do after this chocolate bar----BINGE or STAY ON ATKINS