Flynnlee:
This is the part of your post that scared me:
"i'm scared of what it will be like to be back at a size six and HAPPY."

I'll never be a size 6 -- I'm just not built that way but I am very happy. Please don't equate size with happiness, or make being a certain size a criterion for happiness. Good for you on the weight lifting -- find other positive things in your life, too. Appreciate your accomplishments and be realistic about your imperfections.