Hi Tibby,

I too have battled depression for many many years without seeking the help that I needed. That brought me to a crash (read my journal if you are interested) in November 2003. I finally admitted i needed help, ended up off work for eight weeks, and am only going back half-time, which fortunately I can afford to do.

I currently take 20mg Paxil a day, but I am meeting with my doctor to discuss upping that dosage as I still feel down and anxious. It has improved but not greatly. I also finally got myself into counselling and that is helping immensely, as it is helping me see how my perfectionistic tendencies, low self-esteem, and negative self talk is really not helping me at all. I am also finally dealing with the loss of my parents.

I know exactly what you mean about beating yourself up. I think maybe allowing my weight to get so out of control, failing to care for myself physically and mentally, and also calling myself names, only added to my depression. My life got out of control, and by addressing my weight I am trying to take back control of at least that part of my life. I am still new to low carbing, and not sure whether to Atkins or CALP...but I am taking the time to educate myself.

May I suggest you start a journal? Not only to talk about your "diet" but so that we can continue to correspond if you like You can also feel free to write to me anytime in my journal. I do know what that black evil cloud above me feels like. I do know how hard it is to have the energy to make any positive changes when the word positive is gone from my vocabulary, I know it is hard to have hope. I know that it is hard to believe that anything will work. BUt I am working so hard to put POSITIVE, OPTIMISTIC and HAPPY back into my life. Perhaps we could work on it together