Wow. I tried to read this whole thread, really I did. Started skipping around by page 6.

One thing that struck me was the point made earlier that it isn't always what you say but how you say it. This seems to apply more to women than men for reasons it would give me a brain cramp to come up with. Having a friend or loved one tell ME they were concerned that I'd gained so much weight would have went a lot further than to hear someone tell me I was repulsive/fat/gross/most oft heard put down. A confrontation is one thing, abuse is another.