What's wrong with needing external validation? I think external validation is like ketosis -- there are situations where it can be a good thing (like keeping one from becoming dangerously overweight), and other situations where it's a pathological condition. Furthermore, I don't think it would necessarily be easier for "Andy" to change this attitude, really change it, than it would be for "Candy" to lose those 30 lbs.

I noticed something while reading through this thread:

potatofree -- starting weight 298, goal 160 = Morbidly obese
Attitude: "if he loves her, he wouldn't need the validation of others..."

ItsTheWooo -- starting weight 280, goal 135 = Morbidly obese
Attitudes: "I think she should lose weight for her, not to impress her husband." and "I do not think she should change only to appease others."

kevjol -- "for me it took deteriorating health issues to finally get me to start taking better care of myself and to start getting healthy" = Morbidly obese
Attitude: "...superficial things should not matter..."

bigguyjonc -- starting weight 354, goal 200 = Morbidly obese
Attitude: "she has to lose weight for herself not because some *ss tells her to or else."

How interesting! It would appear that the people here who believe that the opinions of others shouldn't matter so much tend to have been morbidly obese at one time. Isn't that an amazing coincidence?

Lest you think I'm just poking fun at others here -- just because I don't think there's something necesssarily wrong with needing external validation, doesn't mean that I have a healthy level of this characteristic. Like a lot of nerds, I just don't think about what other people think of how I look. And like you, I was morbidly obese at my peak weight (230). Coincidence? I think not...