I know how you feel. I had to put my beloved cat Ethel to sleep a while back and it is an awful feeling. But I was comforted knowing that it was my job to be strong and protect her from anymore sickness and pain. I still miss her. She was so gentle and kind hearted. I hope you will take good care of yourself during this sad and stressful time. Come here to post as often as you can in the weeks to come and let out some of your sorrow here.