Your post HAS struck a nerve in many of us, hasn't it? Hope we haven't scared you away. I hope the true situation isn't as dark as we are reading in between the lines, and I hope you don't leave the boards either way. There's so much knowledge and experience here, only it's just not the same as having someone you can talk to on the phone, or who can see you interact as a couple.

So I can only speak from my own experience, which is all any of us has. I've dated men who started in with little stuff, controlling and criticizing my appearance, friends, activities, etc. It progresses. And the really scary part, which I see for myself in hindsight and I think I am reading in your post, is that I started to think this was the right way to do relationships. You ask what you can do to change his mind, and now I see that MANY husbands would never even THINK it was their business to manage your weight and appearance. You are taking responsibility for HIS behavior, and you seem to think this is OK.

Unfortunately, and this may not be where you are now, and again, I speak only for me, IT GETS WORSE. The man I knew who started like this moved on to limiting my contact with the world, and while I left before the physical violence began, he had a history of hitting that continued with the subsequent partner. It took me a long time to understand how this situation got as bad as it did, and to recover.

I don't know your husband, your father, your experience with violence. I may be completely off base. I certainly hope so. I know some men will prevent their partners from accessing the internet, and I hope you are able to maintain this contact.

IF it should be that some of this strikes a nerve, you might want to read The Gift of Fear, by Gavin de Becker. LOTS of good information about identifying men who will be trouble.

I want to hope your marriage can grow through this; it sounds like some of the other writers have worked out similar situations. Some people can. Either way, you are in a better position if you understand the variables.

Good luck.