Funnily enough, my fiance and I were discussing this just last night...

My natural weight was always 115lbs. I didn't really have to make any effort to be that way at all. I had more friends than I could count! And way more than my fair share of attention from guys. I lived in a world where anyone and everyone was nice... that's just how the world is, right?

Wrong...

Then I fell ill. Then those lovely people in the NHS managed to screw my treatment up so badly I was paralysed and in a wheelchair for the next year. All of a sudden I disappeared off the face of the earth! I went down from countless "friends" to around two... literally! Guys didn't even notice I was there. I actually came back from the supermarket with bruises on my knuckles because people had rammed me with their shopping trollies rather than just give me a chance to get out of their way.

I also put on weight at that time. Not because I wasn't exercising (anyone who says folk in wheelchairs don't exercise has never tried getting even ten yards down the road in one!)... but I was eating "healthily" in the hope of getting better. Lots of salads, lots of steamed vegetables, very low fat... Well, we all know where that one leads!

Suddenly the world was a truly horrible place to be... and people were invariably nasty. The few who bothered to be kind to you did it because you were a cripple, not a person. They'd expect you to be so grateful they noticed you exist, the humiliation almost made you wish they wouldn't bother.

I'm walking again now (long since ditched the doctors... that helped a lot! ) and working on my weight. But yes, I'm still a non-person to the rest of society... except to stare accusingly at me as I reach for a pot of double cream or butter as if to say "Well no wonder you're fat if you eat stuff like that"!

I can't believe how rude people are! I always tried to treat everyone with kindness. Do they really think they're somehow superior because they're thin?! I want to turn round to them and say "You don't know me! You couldn't have gone through a fraction of what I've dealt with in my lifetime. You're just thin... if that's so superior, why aren't you a nicer person because of it?!"

Well I won't be fat for long! Not for anyone else; just because 115lbs was the weight I felt most comfortable, healthy and happy with myself. Losing the weight is one thing...

Losing the jaded attitude to people and life will be much, much harder.

It's not all doom and gloom though! My fiance fell in love with me because of who I am... because of my mind, because of my humour, because of me. Well he gets to keep that for life... and no matter how beautiful I am to him, I intend to make damned sure one day he knows everyone sees what he saw all along... and they're all too late!