I don't know why I'm in a talking mood today---or should I say a typing mood?

I don't really have a lot of low carb food at home but I'm making the best of it this week. I know I should be eating more but what I eat is all I have. I don't have anything for snacks. But next week I plan on having the extras that help when you get tempted.

I'm on vacation next week but I plan to stick to this lifestyle. Why do I need to eat bread, sugar, cookies, ice cream and drink pop? Why is that so important. For me it's my friend---the best friend that I never had. In my life I feel as if I've always been judged and put down. And of course I have always been my worst critic but WHY?? There have always been enough people putting me down.

My oldest sister---I know you are jealous of me! ( I guess because I'm the fattest of my sisters, that I have to be jealous of her)
My 2nd oldest sister--I know you talk about me behind my back and you don't do anything for me. I don't like you! ( I have always helped this sister with her children, rent, emotionally and with transportation but I learned that she has always resented my help)
My mother in law--You better lose weight for my son! (I told her that I wanted to lose some weight before our wedding and she made sure I knew how she felt--FYI, I didn't lose any weight before the wedding)
My oldest sister's ex boyfriend--You aren't pretty like your sister! ( I didn't do or say anything to him, but I guess he just wanted to let me know for the record)
My nieces/nephews of my 2nd oldest sister--Fat ass! (They were very cruel when they wanted to be and that was often--but I don't blame them because they just wanted other people to hurt as much they did)
A guy I worked with--I think you are cute and I would date you if you weren't fat. (I was sad but I understand--He had standards)
The boy I had my first kiss with--I was drunk! (We kissed at a friends graduation party and I was sure that it would lead to us dating but when I asked him about it, that was the response I received---Of course I was devastated)

I guess I could go on for days about what was said to me but I won't. I just need to realize that I'm important--Maybe not to these people but to myself. And if I can't love myself then there is no hope for my life and I'm better off dead.