Fordo,
I don't know you and you don't know me, but if I could I would like to send you a virtual hug! If I lived where you were I would probably give you a kick up the backside lol.
I understand where you are coming from, if you take 'black' from the equation I feel exactly the same at times. There is n o easy answer to how to solve the problem, talking about it is the first step obviously, but then its building your own confidence and relaising that there is something special about you, you just can't see it right now.
I hope this doesn't sound condescending, it is very hard to put down in words.
I just want you to know you are not alone!

If you need some one to talk to just PM me

Kind regards

Suzanne