Thanks again Aleka, how do you keep coming up with them!!!

Well, this morning presented another epiphany for me. I woke up early and decided, after a nice breakfast of Milled Flaxseed, I deserved a reward, a treat. I walked in the park every morning this week and I deserve a reward. So, I put on the TV and propped myself up all ready to 'take the day off' and enjoy my well earned reward. I flipped through the channels, waiting for that peaceful 'reward feeling' and guess what! It never arrived. Instead I grew more and more anxious and uncomfortable. Then I came across a kids show and an animated horse was singing, "Breathe in the fresh air, enjoy the sunshine, go out and breathe in the fresh air and enjoy the beautiful sunshine." Well, that horse was looking right at me! I jumped up, put on my shorts, and off I went to the park.
While walking I began to meditate on the subject of 'rewards'. My Saturday morning reward was no doubt self destructive. Not that there is anything wrong with kicking back and watching TV, but when you experience anxiety instead of peace, then it is wrong. I recalled how many times I have heard a patient, (drug/alcohol counseling) say to me, "But I work hard all week, I deserve to get drunk on Friday night.", or, "I worked hard all day in the hot sun, I deserve that six pack of cold beer" Self-destructive reward systems. I know that somewhere inside is the fear of success, and the need to self-destruct. Especially after doing something positive and healthy for myself.
So, I am now creating a list of healthy, positive rewards, and am examining closely how I 'reward' myself. Anybody out there got any ideas? I think a list of 'positive rewards' might be fun to create, along with another list of 'negative rewards' that I have gotten rid of. Another old 'reward' I've gotten rid of is that big old candy bar at the checkout line.