Or I was earlier this evening, anyway. It'd be too late now. Let me say first that I've never actually thrown up on purpose after a meal, but that I have had these kinds of thoughts before after "breaking a diet". It's just been such a long time since I've had those kinds of thoughts. I've only been on this plan for two weeks, not even. I was doing really well, had a bit of a stall this past week but I found out it was because of my TOM. And then I went out of town...I was really good all weekend, ordering low-carb everything and drinking my atkins shakes for breakfast...but I had most of a waffle house waffle last night, and then some pizza tonight. I could probably have tried harder to resist the waffle, but the pizza...I'd been wanting that for a while, and my hosts really wanted to take me there (we'd all wanted to go on my last visit, when I wasn't low-carbing, but there hadn't been time). I tried to be good and fill up on tea with splenda and a greek salad first...but I still ate a good bit of pizza. A slice and a half, and some of the rolls made out of the same dough. All the way back from the restaurant I felt horrible, wishing I could undo what I'd just eaten...worrying that I'd undone all of my previous hard work. These two weeks haven't been easy. I'm really dreading getting on the scale tomorrow.

What am I going to do when it says I've gained weight? Is it really all fat? Is some of it water?

If I go and run for an hour, will that help? Can I prevent myself from gaining?

For over a year now, before starting this WOE, I had decided not to diet anymore, and to do away with guilt tied to food. I ate only what I wanted when I wanted it, stopped stuffing myself, and stopped eating for reasons other than hunger. I lost about 10 lbs maybe just doing this, getting off of the depravation/guilt bandwagon. I'm not happy to be back there in that dark depressing place, although I do see the health benefits from this WOE and do believe that I can make it a lifetime committment.

It's 11:30 and I should be going to bed, but I'm going to run.